does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
