What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
