We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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