I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
