you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
