Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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