She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize