I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
