I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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