HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
