What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize