I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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