getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
