Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
