Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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