do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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