Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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