Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize