captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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