That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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