You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
