Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
