i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
420 ftw
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize