Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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