this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
