I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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