I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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