and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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