I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
