I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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