I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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