thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
