Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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