I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
