as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
