so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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