i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
