You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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