she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
