nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
