Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
soo... how was my night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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