thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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