just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
