I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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