those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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