I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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