So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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