I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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