My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
