Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
