I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
