You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
