You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
