i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
