So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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