I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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