ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
