I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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