Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
