i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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