can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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