Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
