I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
