We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
