They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
