i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
