im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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