i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
