her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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