omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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