No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
