I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
