Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
