Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
