My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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